Combustible Chemistry Causes Rangers to Self-In-Sen-erate in 52 Seconds

NEW YORK — In one of the oddest reported occurrences of spontaneous human combustion, 19* men simultaneously blew up in front of over 18,000 horrified witnesses.

Although the entire explosive event took less than a minute, one scientist, who happened to be on hand, had a handle on how it happened.

“Whenever you combine very potent and efficient Canadian firepower with MSG ice, sloppy defensive play and too many new player combinations, there is always a small chance of having this kind of freakish result,” said Korean chemical engineer, Yu B. Sik.

Fortunately, since the fireworks finished so fast, the fire department never had to be called. Although Ranger head coach, Tom Renney, was unavailable for comment, Brendan Shanahan took “a shot” at giving the players’ explanation for the Manhattan Meltdown. Unfortunately, like all of his other shots this year, Shanahan was off target with his comments—missing the microphone by a good two feet.

Amazingly, despite the horrific happenstance, all 19* players survived and are expected to be in the lineup Thursday against Atlanta.

*I gave backup goalie, Stephen Valiquette, an exemption because he didn’t play. However, this is only an honorary exemption, because had Valiquette been in net, things might have gotten worse yet.

Humorist’s Hindsight: Let’s face it. Even if the Rangers hadn’t self-imploded by giving up 3 goals in that minute of misery, they had no chance against the vastly superior Senators. Ottawa was so clearly the better team in every phase of the game. This includes being bigger, faster, more skilled, quicker to the puck, more physical, having a better transition game, etc.

At this point Ottawa is like a well-oiled, fine-tuned industrial machine, while the Rangers are like a rich kid’s rendition of an out-of-sync gadget thrown together for a science class project. It seems hard to believe that in the next 6 months the Rangers are going to be able to catch up with their Canadian counterparts.

It also doesn’t help that the Rangers have next to nothing left in the salary cap kitty (sorry tdr) with which to purchase any meaningful machine parts before the trade deadline.

At the moment, I can only think of 2 funny aspects to the Rangers slow start to the season:

1) That anyone could have seriously believed the Rangers were Stanley Cup contenders, given that they will almost certainly have to get past Ottawa in the playoffs, and

2) That Glen Sather shelled out over $5 million to Brendan Shanahan this season, believing that he was still a formidable goal scorer—despite all the contrary evidence over Shanahan’s last 38 regular season games of 2006-2007. Details of Shanahan's "sinking ship of a scoring shot" from last season are found in the middle of this August 3rd article.

With 5 more goalless games to start this season, Shanny’s Fanny is going to get an “old” fashioned, verbal butt kicking by the Hockey Humorist in posts that will appear sometime before Thursday’s game in Atlanta.

Courtesy of The Hockey Humorist - http://hockeyhumorist.blogspot.com/

Sabres take care of Rangers at MSG...

Tom Renney receiving a round of applause as he acknowledges the Rangers' fans support throughout this series and the entire season as well.

Here's a final look at the series, from a Fanatic's point of view, and by no means a Rangers or Sabres fan's (ahem, PW and Ghost, feel free to comment.)

Buffalo Sabres

The Sabres played well in general, although, in their first two games on the road, at MSG (their only two losses) they played horribly, actually, uninspired, as if they didn't want to win, and I commend the Rangers and Tom Renney for the great show they gave us this series, it was a roller-coaster ride all the way and every game was decided by a single goal; the most recent (obviously, if you haven't heard yet) being a 5-4 Sabres win on this glorious Montreal (and hopefully, wherever you are) afternoon (or night...or morning).
After two paltry losses to New York in Games 3 and 4, I was beginning to think that they were running out of gas, and that (as the NHL has witnessed a lot in the past century)their fantastic season was all for none.

In Game 5, in Buffalo with the series tied at two, Chris Drury put through a maze of players, behind Henrik Lundqvist off a rebound that even fooled two defencemen trying to stop the puck derrière the Swedish-born goaltender as well.
Drury has shown he is an amazing leader, and Daniel Briere's under-par play this series is only fueling Darcy Regier in one direction concerning both players' contract status, (both are UFA's on July 1st, and it's unlikely that he will retain both.)more precisely, in Chris Drury's direction.
Drury also prompted Ghost to write a spontaneous, emotion-filled post late Friday night when his blood pressure was soaring and his hands were shaking after the Sabres won 2-1 in overtime, with help from Chris Drury's goal at the 19:52 mark of the third period.

Imagine this: a Rangers fan sitting excitedly on his couch staring at his television screen, feeling the unavoidable power of victory approaching.
But then, all is lost when Drury scores, and his coffin is sealed with Afinogenov's blast from the point.
Now? Well, now he's probably in Heaven, wishing he were in Hell.

No but really, Rangers fans have nothing to hold against their team, Glen Sather put together a terrific team, even more terrifically coached by Tom Renney.
Led by Jaromir Jagr (...at home) on the scoresheet (with a little help from Michael Nylander) and with Henrik Lundqvist stopping the puck in their own end, you can say bad luck was the reason the Rangers lost this series.
They played so well, and deserved to beat them Sabres, but, sometimes, logic prevails over reason.

The Buffalo Sabres are the better team, the best team in the NHL and have been tops ever since the new NHL was born, it was just logic that Buffalo won, and frankly, I thought it would have been a lot easier for them to put the Rangers away, but no.
New York fought till the bitter end, and it was bitter.

The return of Paul Gaustad to the Sabres' lineup was more valuable than thought, he was an all-around smashing success in his return to the lineup after missing 35 games with an injury.

I'll let the Ghost and PW fill you out on the players, these were just my general impressions.

Oh, and PW would like for me to present to you this little pic of his, showing Henrik Lundqvist's backdoor, his weakness, where the Sabres didn't shoot in Games 3 and 4.



--BBR